Prayer

I am confident that sincere prayers are always answered. If they are not answered may be that is not good for us. We, as kids ask our parents so many things. They always give us what we need and what is good for us but not everything. Similarly even Almighty gives us what we need and deserve and what is good for us. I do feel bad when certain things go wrong but reconcile thinking that in due course I will realize how it was good or at least not that bad for me.
I have the habit of visiting Bhadrakali temple in Warangal as and when possible or feel troubled by the situation I am in. I feel comfortable after a visit to this temple. Most of the time I pray for others, my family members or patients as if they are happy and healthy I will also be happy and peaceful. I do pray for myself when in trouble to get out of it. Most of the times I feel my burden of the problem is lessened.
For more than a year I was suffering from menstrual disturbance which I attributed to my age. Just a few days ago I felt that the problem is causing lot of disturbance and during that period I was somehow had to accompany my siblings who had come to my place to visit the temple. First time I simply wished in front of deity – Bhadrakali Devi, to get rid off my menstrual problem. Today is the 4th Thursday since I visited the temple and made a wish. I am very much grateful to ‘Devi Maa’ for helping me to get rid of the problem forever. Within a week of my visit to the temple my condition is diagnosed and I had undergone surgery successfully. Now I am up and about trying to take part in daily chores day after day in graded way.
Probably next month some day I will go to the temple and offer special worship.

Basic Response

Life is ever new. Every second unfolds new knowledge. We may or may not be aware of it. Sometimes the knowledge gained remains only in subconscious state only to come out or realized later. When anything happens, the instant response of individual is basic response of the being irrespective of the knowledge and position. The later response depends on the developed personality.
As a medical professional I am very confidant of never missing a diagnosis when it comes to patient. When it had come to apply the same knowledge I have failed. This is because I never thought myself to be a patient and examined in that perspective. I carried self examination but ignored the finding as I was healthy and carrying on my profession and other activities with great energy and enthusiasm. I never felt my age though I had few symptoms of menopausal age. Occasionally I would get my blood pressure checked as I had suffered from hypertension in my pregnancy. Once I was 50 and had disturbances in my menstrual cycles I attributed it to peri menopausal disturbance, though I thought to get a scan done to rule out anything abnormal in my uterus and ovaries. During this course I once palpated myself my abdomen and did feel hard above the pubic bone in lower abdomen but I attributed it to thickness of abdominal wall and failure to relax myself. When I think of it I really feel silly and ignorant.
Recently my menstrual cycle was very short once I had within 22days and immediately following I had it in 15days. This has put me on alert. Then on palpation of my abdomen I did feel the lump in my lower abdomen and even my husband (he is also a medical professional) palpated it. Like any other person would feel, we also did not want to accept immediately that I have lump. So I decided to undergo ultra sound scanning of my abdomen. Though in the core of my heart I felt that I am having uterine and/or ovarian tumor I thought probably scanning would reveal that I have only slightly enlarged uterus and everything else is normal. If that is the report I can have some medical treatment and get out off my menstrual problem, my wishful thinking. In a week I took an appointment from a sonologist and got scanned. It revealed that I had quite an enlarged uterus with multiple fibroids occupying my lower abdomen – pelvic region. Once said and shown and sonology report given, I had to accept. Accepting the report is accepting surgery. Though I am used to do surgeries, when it had come to me it was really difficult to accept the decision that moment. I had to suppress my tears by batting my eyelids.
As gynecologist I did gyne/obs surgeries. I would counsel the patients and prepare them to take up surgery when it was essential. Most of the time, whenever possible I would allow medical treatment and give patients various options available. Sometimes patients would themselves opt for surgery making things easier. Now it is the decision to be taken by me for me. Once diagnosed, I could clinically assess the extent of tumor for sure. Had it been for any patient I would have forthright said to undergo surgery earliest and explained the risks of waiting. Now I had to counsel myself. My husband in affirmative said to me what I would say to my patients. I know it is difficult to accept disease/tumor by any person. Now I understand how difficult it is when it happens personally.
Now that decision is taken I had undergone detailed pre-operative investigations. Everything turned out well. I was otherwise healthy and fit for surgery. I had good team of doctors who had carried on surgery on me. Though I opted to have spinal anaesthesia, anaethesiologist firmly advised general anaesthesia, which I think was a very experienced decision. Though I was under general anaesthesia, later I came to know that my blood pressure did rise to 210 and they have to take me into deeper plane. This raise in my BP is clear indication of my stress to undergo surgery. Had I had spinal it would have been a difficult situation.
Everything had gone out very well for me. The biopsy of the tumor revealed to be only benign in nature. Today is 13th day since my surgery. It is every body’s co-operation and Almighty’s grace that I am able to carry out my self very well.
This experience has taught me that to read and hear is being aware of things but to experience personally is different and it is true understanding of knowledge.

Life is Unique

Universe is a wonderful phenomenon. The mystery of Universe is still eluding us. Many theories are presented, hypotheses are proposed about how it could have formed. There are only theories and hypotheses. The origin of ‘life’ also cannot be explained. How and when and why the ‘life’ has come into existence no one can give a foolproof explanation. When things cannot be explained, existence of some ‘Super Natural’ power is believed. When the power is within Nature how can it be ‘Super Natural? We think so, as we cannot see that power like we see any other object – living or non-living.
I believe the Superior Power of nature. This is the power inherent in Nature. The Superior Power in the Universe is perceived with sensations or felt with intellectual abilities but cannot be proved instantly or explained in words. Everything in Nature is unique. Every being is unique. Nothing can be exact replica of a thing. Externally it may appear to be so. But it may show subtle difference on close observation in some character or its functions.
When I think of uniqueness of Creation I remember the differences of conjoined twins. Conjoined twins share same genes, same intra and extra uterine environment. But the survival capacity of each co-twin differs from that of the other. We can take the example of twins joined at heads sharing same blood vessels in the head and surviving. We know there is variation in their interests. The conjoined sisters of Iran, who survived without human intervention till their early twenties, expressed their desire to pursue different professions of their choice after separation. Unfortunately they are no more now. Now there is another pair of kids separated from their conjoined heads are recuperating. We can study their nature. No body knows what makes a person unique. Every being with its unique characters has its special purpose of existence. The purpose may be obvious or can be understood only on contemplation.
Every one of us is born with unique qualities. Being the most intelligent being of this marvelous Creation let us use our ‘life’ in making this earth the best abode for every being.

Life is Activity

Life is incessant activity. The moment activity stops life ends. Activity may be seen or unseen. It has to go on. Single celled amoeba lives and relives by dividing and re-dividing and the eternal process of life goes on. Even a multicellular organism starts its individual entity as a single cell - egg. It develops into zygote and differentiates into multiple organs and tissues to attain the required entity of the organism in its full form. The activity in the organism goes on until it’s maturity and serves its purpose on the earth. Once the activity ceases or becomes incapable of carrying on the life’s processes the existence of life ceases.
Activity, overt or covert, is life. A fetus in the womb is also active and alive. The activity of life within life is Nature. The loud cry of the pushed out life from the womb indicates the activity of the new individual on this earth. The overt activity of the individual indicates its individual life on the earth. Though every organism in its separate entity is an individual, it has to co-exist in relation to its surroundings and environment. It has to grow getting adjusted to the environment. What it contributes to the Universe, time has to reveal. The life is revealed with its various activities.

Physical activity is obvious. Physical activity in relation to the surroundings has its own impact. Activity is also there without physical activity or external activity. That is activity in sleep. Sleep is an activity that is apparently silent, but internally stupendous phenomena are taking place to keep the body active in awake form. The tired body without any obvious activity gets rejuvenated for overt life processes. The neurohormonal and metabolic changes that take place cannot be replaced by any other known process or activity. Natural sleep is manna of physically active life. Good physical and mental activity will definitely result in a very good night’s sleep.

Awake or asleep life is activity.

Life is Unity in Diversity

What is life? This question always rises in my mind when alone. When it’s my life, why don’t I feel complete when alone or in company? My life is not just myself. It is along with people around me, the nature around me and the activity that is going on in the entire Universe. I am just a particle in the Universe. This Universe with all its living and non living beings is ONE. Everything in this nature including me is part of it. So it is Unity in Diversity.
We think we come alone on to this earth and leave it all alone. Is any person is alone, single? We know that Ovum fertilized by sperm starts it new life. In humans, the life of mature ovum that is released is only 48 hours and that of sperm is 72 hours. But when they come together and fuse into one another a new life starts and its life is hundred years or more. When separate the life of ovum and sperm is just few hours. But when join and give up their identity the life is so very prolonged. Togetherness in harmony brings extended life.
My life is not single life. I am harmonious unity of different entities. If I am living in harmony with nature abiding by its rules and being part of it my life will be eternal. As I am part of nature protecting nature is my duty. It is self serving responsibility. To know it is only part of learning. To practice it is realization.

Life is Duality

Life is duality. We observe there are so many antagonist activities in our life. One day we like something the other day we dislike the same for some reason. Good and bad, right and wrong differs in course of time and place. Pain and pleasure varies on the cause of circumstances. When we delve into various aspects of life, many times the actions and reactions surprise us.

When a mother gives birth to a child she has to undergo some pain. The moment child is out of the womb the feeling of pain disappears and pleasure and satisfaction is seen on the face of mother. The child comes out of the womb and everybody is very eager to hear its cry. The louder the cry the greater the happiness that a new life has come on to this earth. The newborn whether cries in pain or pleasure; the lusty cry helps it fill its lungs with full of air and help it start individual journey on this earth. The cry of a newborn brings smile and happiness to the mother and everybody around her awaiting the new life.
Born on this earth the individual struggles for existence. Life goes on through many antagonistic moments and finally reaches its end. The body, which was abode of so many feelings and actions, lies stiff and unresponsive to the feelings of people around. It is said that “the person slept in the lord”. Or his soul which is above mortal feelings enjoys freedom in the Universe. In such condition, probably the person/soul should be happy. The people around infact should be happy for the dead man being relieved of problems of mundane living. But we see everyone feels quite sorrowful for the person is dead. They cry for the departed soul. At the same time they wish that the soul should rest in peace. When everybody around are crying how can anyone be at peace? Probably the soul may rest in peace, as it is untouched by earthly feelings. Peaceful soul rises into the sky happily to reach God’s abode leaving the loving near and dear ones in sorrow.
Life and death are two sides of the same coin. Both bring pain and pleasure along its occurrence. It’s the perception and understanding of situation which makes us move on in life.
With all its pains and pleasure everyone wants life to be continued eternally.

Contemplation