Life is ever new. Every second unfolds new knowledge. We may or may not be aware of it. Sometimes the knowledge gained remains only in subconscious state only to come out or realized later. When anything happens, the instant response of individual is basic response of the being irrespective of the knowledge and position. The later response depends on the developed personality.
As a medical professional I am very confidant of never missing a diagnosis when it comes to patient. When it had come to apply the same knowledge I have failed. This is because I never thought myself to be a patient and examined in that perspective. I carried self examination but ignored the finding as I was healthy and carrying on my profession and other activities with great energy and enthusiasm. I never felt my age though I had few symptoms of menopausal age. Occasionally I would get my blood pressure checked as I had suffered from hypertension in my pregnancy. Once I was 50 and had disturbances in my menstrual cycles I attributed it to peri menopausal disturbance, though I thought to get a scan done to rule out anything abnormal in my uterus and ovaries. During this course I once palpated myself my abdomen and did feel hard above the pubic bone in lower abdomen but I attributed it to thickness of abdominal wall and failure to relax myself. When I think of it I really feel silly and ignorant.
Recently my menstrual cycle was very short once I had within 22days and immediately following I had it in 15days. This has put me on alert. Then on palpation of my abdomen I did feel the lump in my lower abdomen and even my husband (he is also a medical professional) palpated it. Like any other person would feel, we also did not want to accept immediately that I have lump. So I decided to undergo ultra sound scanning of my abdomen. Though in the core of my heart I felt that I am having uterine and/or ovarian tumor I thought probably scanning would reveal that I have only slightly enlarged uterus and everything else is normal. If that is the report I can have some medical treatment and get out off my menstrual problem, my wishful thinking. In a week I took an appointment from a sonologist and got scanned. It revealed that I had quite an enlarged uterus with multiple fibroids occupying my lower abdomen – pelvic region. Once said and shown and sonology report given, I had to accept. Accepting the report is accepting surgery. Though I am used to do surgeries, when it had come to me it was really difficult to accept the decision that moment. I had to suppress my tears by batting my eyelids.
As gynecologist I did gyne/obs surgeries. I would counsel the patients and prepare them to take up surgery when it was essential. Most of the time, whenever possible I would allow medical treatment and give patients various options available. Sometimes patients would themselves opt for surgery making things easier. Now it is the decision to be taken by me for me. Once diagnosed, I could clinically assess the extent of tumor for sure. Had it been for any patient I would have forthright said to undergo surgery earliest and explained the risks of waiting. Now I had to counsel myself. My husband in affirmative said to me what I would say to my patients. I know it is difficult to accept disease/tumor by any person. Now I understand how difficult it is when it happens personally.
Now that decision is taken I had undergone detailed pre-operative investigations. Everything turned out well. I was otherwise healthy and fit for surgery. I had good team of doctors who had carried on surgery on me. Though I opted to have spinal anaesthesia, anaethesiologist firmly advised general anaesthesia, which I think was a very experienced decision. Though I was under general anaesthesia, later I came to know that my blood pressure did rise to 210 and they have to take me into deeper plane. This raise in my BP is clear indication of my stress to undergo surgery. Had I had spinal it would have been a difficult situation.
Everything had gone out very well for me. The biopsy of the tumor revealed to be only benign in nature. Today is 13th day since my surgery. It is every body’s co-operation and Almighty’s grace that I am able to carry out my self very well.
This experience has taught me that to read and hear is being aware of things but to experience personally is different and it is true understanding of knowledge.
I am confident that sincere prayers are always answered. If they are not answered may be that is not good for us. We, as kids ask our parents so many things. They always give us what we need and what is good for us but not everything. Similarly even Almighty gives us what we need and deserve and what is good for us. I do feel bad when certain things go wrong but reconcile thinking that in due course I will realize how it was good or at least not that bad for me.
